Sunday, June 27, 2010
to my dear mum, i always love you.
[OLD POST]
// I wrote this with tears on Jan 5th, 2010 at 12:40 AM. and decided to remove it for some reasons. but after giving some thought, i decided to repost it. A blog dedicated to my mum has been setup recently to remember her dearly. http://www.teowahwah.blogspot.com //
just with a blink of an eye, i have reached 2010 without realising and have to constantly remind myself it's a new year. So many had happened, especially for the recent months, catching me off guard. A very irritating beauty of life is that you'll never know what will happen next, be it good or bad.
towards the end of the year 2009 was our summative, which fell on 29-30 dec. the whole december we were mugging like mad, from morning till night when the library closed at 10, to give our best shot at the end of the sem.
on the 17th of dec 1030pm i was back to my aunt house as usual. My aunt told me my mum wasn't doing well in the hospital. i laughed at her for joking with me. but her kept her face still. it was no joke. immediately her whole family drove me down to hometown. Reached JB at 3am, put up a night at my uncle's place since my dad, who's in the hospital, insisted me not to come over. I came in the morning 7am and made myself look happy to cheer mum up. Mum didn't want me to come back all the while and wanted me to focus on my exam. Dad has been struggling hard not to break this news to me, but aunt did and drove me all the way to JB at the midnight, and i was very grateful for that. If i didn't come back, i will regret this for life. what's the point of studying medicine and becoming a doctor when your mum is dying at home. And mummy, you don't understand, how would i able to focus on my exam if you are suffering so much pain there! On 18th dec i looked after her at the bed, pressing her arms hard against the bed because she's attempting to remove the oxygen mask from time to time. I know it's very uncomfortable and difficult with that thing on your face but do you know it's very heartbreaking to see you do that? You couldn't breath without that. Your stupid insistence breaks me into tears. Dad had not been sleeping for 2 days, taking care of mum every second. I was glad i came, for he could take some rest. dad said on the day before, she wanted to see grandma badly. Uncle drove grandma all the way from penang at night and reached this morning. All my mum told my grandma was: "Mum, i love you. You must be strong and take good care of yourself." The rest of the day mum tired herself up by chanting amitabha repeatedly. she lost her voice at last. At night, her condition worsen and was discharged. I kept talking to her in the ambulance, for being afraid that she would just sleep off. One of her wishes was to sleep peacefully at home. we accompanied her throughout the night, chanting with her. On 19th dec 0430am, after shedding 2 big tears, my mum went peacefully in the age of 51. Im glad to be there with her in her last journey...Don't worry mum, I'll take care of grandma, dad and sis. we are strong, same as you.
Over these 3 years dad has not been working. He sacrificed everything just to be there taking care of mum. Last year, 4 different doctors told him mum was left with 3 months. He told no one. He cried alone. Because if this was made known, everyone will lose hope, let alone mum. He edited all the blood test reports to make it encouraging before showing mum. He has been holding to it all the while. He made everything positive to cheer her up. So did we, by holding to the hope he gave. Mum lived another year.
Now she's not with us physically, but she lives in my heart. i guess we need some time for adjustment. This is part of life which everybody has to go through. Down to my heart I urge all of you to treasure all you have at the moment, for there's no eternity in life. Live your life to its fullest, with no regrets!
