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Life is too short to be anything but happy.
Laugh when you can.
Apologise when you should.
Let go what you can't change.
Play hard.
Capture the moments.
Forgive quickly.
And live life to its fullest.
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// I wrote this with tears on Jan 5th, 2010 at 12:40 AM. and decided to remove it for some reasons. but after giving some thought, i decided to repost it. A blog dedicated to my mum has been setup recently to remember her dearly. http://www.teowahwah.blogspot.com //
just with a blink of an eye, i have reached 2010 without realising and have to constantly remind myself it's a new year. So many had happened, especially for the recent months, catching me off guard. A very irritating beauty of life is that you'll never know what will happen next, be it good or bad.
towards the end of the year 2009 was our summative, which fell on 29-30 dec. the whole december we were mugging like mad, from morning till night when the library closed at 10, to give our best shot at the end of the sem.
on the 17th of dec 1030pm i was back to my aunt house as usual. My aunt told me my mum wasn't doing well in the hospital. i laughed at her for joking with me. but her kept her face still. it was no joke. immediately her whole family drove me down to hometown. Reached JB at 3am, put up a night at my uncle's place since my dad, who's in the hospital, insisted me not to come over. I came in the morning 7am and made myself look happy to cheer mum up. Mum didn't want me to come back all the while and wanted me to focus on my exam. Dad has been struggling hard not to break this news to me, but aunt did and drove me all the way to JB at the midnight, and i was very grateful for that. If i didn't come back, i will regret this for life. what's the point of studying medicine and becoming a doctor when your mum is dying at home. And mummy, you don't understand, how would i able to focus on my exam if you are suffering so much pain there! On 18th dec i looked after her at the bed, pressing her arms hard against the bed because she's attempting to remove the oxygen mask from time to time. I know it's very uncomfortable and difficult with that thing on your face but do you know it's very heartbreaking to see you do that? You couldn't breath without that. Your stupid insistence breaks me into tears. Dad had not been sleeping for 2 days, taking care of mum every second. I was glad i came, for he could take some rest. dad said on the day before, she wanted to see grandma badly. Uncle drove grandma all the way from penang at night and reached this morning. All my mum told my grandma was: "Mum, i love you. You must be strong and take good care of yourself." The rest of the day mum tired herself up by chanting amitabha repeatedly. she lost her voice at last. At night, her condition worsen and was discharged. I kept talking to her in the ambulance, for being afraid that she would just sleep off. One of her wishes was to sleep peacefully at home. we accompanied her throughout the night, chanting with her. On 19th dec 0430am, after shedding 2 big tears, my mum went peacefully in the age of 51. Im glad to be there with her in her last journey...Don't worry mum, I'll take care of grandma, dad and sis. we are strong, same as you.
Over these 3 years dad has not been working. He sacrificed everything just to be there taking care of mum. Last year, 4 different doctors told him mum was left with 3 months. He told no one. He cried alone. Because if this was made known, everyone will lose hope, let alone mum. He edited all the blood test reports to make it encouraging before showing mum. He has been holding to it all the while. He made everything positive to cheer her up. So did we, by holding to the hope he gave. Mum lived another year.
Now she's not with us physically, but she lives in my heart. i guess we need some time for adjustment. This is part of life which everybody has to go through. Down to my heart I urge all of you to treasure all you have at the moment, for there's no eternity in life. Live your life to its fullest, with no regrets!
Monday, June 21, 2010
life's simple pleasure
made new friends: Gregory, Jacqualine and Grace at aunty Peng's house while dining and watching portugal thrash north korea 7-0 flat in world cup. awesome dinner! :D
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
World Cup heat 8 – USA vs England in Legos | UFun
I found this hilarious! xD Credit to Guardian.com.uk.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Happiness is a choice, not a gift.
he always makes me upset. i have forgotten when he had last smiled. he always keeps the problems and stress within himself, and expresses them until he can hold them no more. I pity his pain, but I feel helpless because he is unwilling to share. Helplessness, sadness or even anger are always the final outcome. i tried to be cheerful and happy today yet he spoilt my mood again and again. I think he has been deeply entrenched in his sad world that he has forgotten how to live a blissful life. And I have learnt from my tears that I should not let my emotions puppet-ed by whatever situations.
Happiness is a choice, not a gift.
Not happy? don't blame the world. it is because you refuse to give it(happiness) to yourself.
I need to open his heart, to find out how can i help him.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
World Cup Heat
i pulled myself out of the bed in the midnight to watch the clash between the titans: England vs US. oh man England led with a goal with the skipper Steven Gerrard splendid finish! i rewatched the highlights again and again. Nice pass Heskey! :D Sadly towards the halftime, keeper Green fed, leading to a disappointing 1-1, and yes, ending with 1-1. wth! i was totally jaded=.= england really stood a greater chance to win the match. too bad the US keeper was too good and kept denying our shots. Personally i think england was quite good in creating chances, but kept making blind shots directly towards the keeper. they should have aim the top corners or something. oh well im in no position to criticize cause i know it wasn't easy to do that :P nevertheless i think england played well, and should give credit to the keeper of US. haha! wad a drama...there's so many close downs and one-on-one keeper yet ended up with lots of disappointment. it's alright! this is just the beginning. As long as i can watch england vs spain in the finals, im happy enough :D
i just admire their footwork and ball control so much, disclaimer, this is not the aforementioned match, just an ad :P:
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
within a breath
finally i could summon the strength, after so many days of rehabilitation. I have been sleeping for so many days; my head was simply too heavy to carry and my body was heating inside out. since the day before getting results i already had a fever. i thought it was a normal cold that could be slept away in one day. Never knew that it could be so serious after that. the moment i received my long awaited results, i was so nervous. i couldn't care tearing the envelope nicely, i just dyingly wanted to know whether did i pass or not. IF I FAIL, i will have to pay one thousand for the exam fee and retake it at the end of june, meaning no more semester break for me but studying everything all over again. i don't want that, cause' i really put in a lot of effort. i was so scared. but no matter what, i have prepared for the best and the worst. I flipped it open.
I PASSED.
With a 'B'. I can't believe it! :D My friend beside me suddenly cried. we opened at the same time. I was so scared again. i snatched over her result slip to see: she passed too. -.- what the, wrong expression.
Gradually i felt weak. My arms and legs felt numb and i sat down on the floor leaning against the wall near the entrance. Never knew that it got worse and worse...my limbs were all cramped and bent. Painful. My fingers were all clumped up and i couldn't separate them, let alone bending my limbs. I lost control over my muscles. slowly, the numbness and cramp spread over to my abdomen, then to my throat, then to my mouth, until i couldn't even speak! deep in my heart i was so frightened and kept asking myself what the hell is this. i worried my breathing would ever stop cause' breathing needs muscles to work too.
I was so lucky cause' there were great friends around, and there were nurses and doctors in the university. the nurses calmed me down and asked me to breath slowly by following her beat. My body was so hot that i perspired excessively in the moment, wetting my socks and shirt. they took of my shirt and fanned me, after a while i had rigors and shivered like mad. later i was sent to the csu room to be taken care of. Ambulance was called but they cannot make it. my blood pressure hit skyhigh 160/83 . I was covered with lots of blankets with my jacket on, and was told to breath slowly. after a while i felt better. my muscles were more relaxed. one of the sisters made me a hot milo. I felt much better for each minute passed. my muscles were getting more and more relaxed. and finally i can speak, and even smile at the jokes they cracked. the doctor said i had hyperventilation. due to the fever before hand, and due to the accumulated stress and anxiety i had during this period.
next time i know how to treat a hyperventilating patient (actually quite easy, just that they didn't have a plastic bag for me at that time...)
